I didn’t spend 4 years attending language police academy for nothing, you know.
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you so funny I graduated top of my class in Ze Grammar Nazi Academy. 
… only by defeating one’s foes.
Need to either start a new sentence or use a semicolon after “inside the Battlegrounds”
- 8 - “or what passes for one these days” would be more correct inside of em-dashes as the clause is not a supportive parenthetical but an aside. Parentheses here could also be used.
- 9 - The comma after “duplicate gear” makes this incorrect.
- 28 - The spelling of “Scav” here is incorrect.
- 9 - you don’t need the comma in the first sentence
- 11 - this is a comma splice
- 27 - it doesn’t make sense to call the Ridgeback Fish mutated by the Essence, as we had those in Oldbus.
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