Literally can't play the game?!

ok so, I just got the demo to see if I’d like the game, I make an account, a character and try to join… and I get a weird error saying something like “Connection ended by host please restart game” how the hell am I supposed to fix this

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Reset your playspase is one possibility.
Easiest is to tell the devs your playername and they will sort you out within a day. Message

Can you try the different connection options in the login menu at the bottom left and see if the other 2 ones resolve the problem?